TREATING WIFE – IMPORTANT PART OF FAMILY SYSTEM
Islam, unlike other religions is a strong advocate of marriage. There is no place for celibacy like, for example the Roman Catholic priests and nuns. Marriage is a religious duty and is consequently a moral safeguard as well as a social necessity. Islam does not equal celibacy with high "taqwa" / "Eeman". Marriage acts as an outlet for sexual needs and regulate it so one does not become a slave to his/ her desires.
It is a social necessity because through marriage, families are established and the family is the fundamental unit of our society. Furthermore, marriage is the only legitimate or halal way to indulge in intimacy between a man and a woman. Islam takes a middle of the road position to sexual relations , it neither condemns it like certain religions, nor does it allow it freely. Islam urges us to control and regulate our desires, whatever they may be so that we remain dignified and not become like animals.
The word "zawj" is used in the Qur'an to mean a pair or a mate. In general it usage refers to marriage. The general purpose of marriage is that the sexes can provide company to one another, love to one another, procreate children and live in peace and tranquility to the commandments of Allah.
Allah Said: And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquillity in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy. Indeed in that are signs for a people who give thought. Qur’an.Surah Rum 30:21
The wives rights - the Husbands obligations.
The husband is responsible for the wives maintenance. This right is established by authority of the Qur'an and the sunnah. It is inconsequential whether the wife is a rich, poor, healthy or sick. A component of his role as "qawam" (leader) is to bear the financial responsibility of the family in a generous way so that his wife may be assured security and thus perform her role devotedly.
The wives maintenance entails her right to lodging, clothing, food and general care, like medication, hospital bills etc. He must lodge her where he resides himself according to his means. The wives lodge must be adequate so as to ensure her privacy, comfort and independence.
If a wife has been used to a maid or is unable to attend to her household duties, it is the husbands duty to provide her with a maid if he can afford to do so. The prophet is reported to have said: "The most complete of the believers in faith, is the one with the best character among them. And the best of you are those who are best to your women. " Jami at Tirmidhi Vol 1: 1162.
(2) "Mahr "
The wife is entitled to a marriage gift that is her own. This may be prompt or deferred depending on the agreement between the parties. A marriage is not valid without mahr. It does not have to be money or gold. It can be non-material like teaching her to read the Qur'an. " Mahr" is a gift from the groom to the bride. This is the Islamic law, unlike some cultures whereby the brides parents pay the future husband to marry the daughter. This practice degrades women and is contrary to the spirit of Islam. There is no specification in the Qur'an as to what or how much the Mahr has to be. It depends on the parties involved.
(3) Non-material rights.
A husband is commanded by the law of Allah to treat his wife with equity, respect her feelings and show kindness and consideration, especially if he has another wife. The prophet last sermon stresses kindness to women.
The wife obligations - the Husbands rights.
One of the main duties of the wife is to contribute to the success and blissfulness of the marriage. She must be attentive to the comfort and wellbeing of her husband. The Qur'anic ayah which illustrates this point is: "Our lord, grant us wives and offspring who will be the comfort of our eyes and guide us to be models for the righteous" Qur’an.surah Furqan 25:74
The wife must be faithful, trustworthy and honest she must not deceive her husband by deliberately avoiding contraception. She must not allow any other person to have access to that which is exclusively the husband right i.e. sexual intimacy. She must not receive or entertain strange males in the house without his knowledge and consent. She should not be alone with a strange male. She should not accept gifts from other men without his approval. This is meant to avoid jealousy, suspicion and gossip. The husband possessions are her trust. She may not dispose of his belongings without his permission.
The following is a summary of Beautiful Reception
After returning from work, school, travel, or whatever has separated you:
• Begin with a good greeting.
Friendliness and Recreation
• Spend time talking together.
Games and Distractions
• Joking around & having a sense of humor.
Assistance in the Household
• Doing what you as an individual can/like to do that helps out, especially if she is sick or tired.
• Specifically in family matters.
• Choosing well raised people to build relations with. There is a great reward in visiting relatives and pious people. (Not in wasting time while visiting!)
Conduct During Travel
• Offer a warm farewell and good advice.
• The husband needs to be generous within his financial capabilities. He should not be a miser with his money (nor wasteful).
• It is obligatory to do it habitually if you have no excuse (sickness, etc.)
Avoid disclosing private information such as bedroom secrets, her personal problems and other private matters.
Aiding in the Obedience to Allah
• Wake her up in the last third of the night to pray "Qiyam-ul-Layl" (extra prayer done at night with long sujood and ruku'ua).
• Take her to visit her family and relatives, especially her parents.
(Islamic) Training & Admonition
• The basics of Islam
1- Analyzing every word and sentence she says and overloading her speech by meanings that she did not mean
Patience and Mildness
• Problems are expected in every marriage so this is normal. What is wrong is excessive responses and magnifying problems until a marital breakdown.
Correcting her Mistakes
• First, implicit and explicit advice several times.
• Accounting her only for larger mistakes.
From the book "How to make your wife happy by Sheikh Mohammed Abdel Haleem Hamed,