SPOUSAL RELATIONS IN ISLAM
One of the blessed relationships in Islam is the relationship between spouses. The Glorious Qur’an stresses on marriage by articulating that “marriage completes half the deen (way of Life as prescribed by Allah)”.
“And among His signs is that He created for you wives amongst yourselves that you may swell in tranquility with them; and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts). Surely in this are the Signs for people who reflect.” Qur’an.Surah Rum 30:21.
And marry those among you who are single and (also marry) the Sâlihûn (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid-servants (female slaves). If they be poor, Allah will enrich them out of His bounty. And Allah is All-Sufficent for His creatures' needs, All-Knowing (about the state of the people). Qur’an.Surah Noor 24:32
The Prophet Muhammad (May Allah honour Him and grant Him peace) encouraged men to treat their spouses in the best way, “the best of you are those who are best (in treatment) to their wives.” At-Tirmidhi 628
Aaishah, the Prophet’s wife (May Allah be pleased with Her) was once asked how the Prophet’s (May Allah honour Him and grant Him peace) conduct was in his home. She said, “He was like one of you at home, yet he was most lenient and most generous. He was ready to give a helping hand to his wives in the ordinary work of the house, (he) sewed his own clothes and mended his own shoes.”Al-Musnad, Vol 6:121; Saheeh Al-Jaami' 4927.In general, he helped in whatever work his wives did.
Marital love requires extraordinary effort from both parties if it is to last and remain vital. The difficulty of marital love does not lie in those small disagreements that are a normal part of everyday life and that all couples haves to work out. Indeed, such problems sometimes revitalize the relationship, like spice in a savory dish.
The real problem lies in three things:
- The inability of one person to understand the other. Indeed sometimes a person even has difficulty understanding his own self.
- The inability of a person to adapt to the partnership that is marriage and the inability to cope with the life changes that it brings. Many people expect things to remain the same as they were before.
- The most important problem is a lack of commitment to the relationship and to making it last.
For Successful Relation
- Begin with the intention to resolve the issue.If both spouses have this intention and plan to consult together, it is more likely that there will be a successful resolution.
- Remember that it takes two to quarrel.If only one person chooses not to argue, there will be no argument. Generally, the one who is wrong does most of the talking.
- Both spouses should not be angry at the same time.If one of the spouses becomes upset, it is best if the other tries to remain calm and collected.
- Never yell at each other unless the house is on fire.Of course, house fires do not occur very frequently; yelling should occur at about the same rate.
- Never go to sleep with an argument unsettled.This is one of the worst things that can happen in a marriage and should be avoided as much as possible. This allows hurt feelings and thoughts to linger and generally exacerbates the problem.
- If one spouse needs to win, let it be your mate.Do not focus on winning yourself; this is the main reason that discussions tend to become heated.
- Remember your house in Paradise!The Prophet said: I guarantee a house in the surroundings [suburbs] of Paradise for a man who avoids quarrelling even if he were in the right, a house in the middle of Paradise for a man who avoids lying even if he were joking, and a house in the upper part of Paradise for a man who made his character good. Abu Dawud 4782