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ETIQUETTES OF TALKS AND CONVERSATION


This is one of the most ignored subjects in our lives. Most of us either think that this is too small a subject to pay attention to; or we are unaware of the importance given to this by Islam. But, if we read and understand Qur’an, we will come to know that Allah is very particular about this subject.

 

In order to understand it clearly, subject is sub-divided into various parts and studing each one-by-one.

 

Table of Contents

 

Quran

We should always talk truth. The conversation should be true, straight and without any deception. Refer to two ayath from the Qur’an given below:

“O you who believe! Keep your duty to Allah & fear Him, and speak (always) the truth.” Qur’an Surah Al-Ahzab 33:70  “And mix not the truth with falsehood, nor conceal the truth while you know.” Qur’an Surah Al-Baqarah, 2:42 

 

Talk (speak) only good

Islam asks us to speak only good words. Following two references will explain this:  “And say to My slaves (i.e. true believers) that they should say (only) those words that are the best.” Qur’an Surah Al-Isra’, 17: 53  

 

There is a Hadith also regarding this matter: Narrated Abu Hurairah (RA): The prophet (PBUH) said, “A good, pleasant, friendly word is a ‘Sadaqa‘.” Book of Al-Adaab, Sahih Bukhari, 6023 (Vol. 8:52)

 

Talk in low voice

And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is the voice of donkeys."Quran Surah Luqman, 31:19

 

Do not indulge in Al-Laghw (dirty, false, evil, vain talk)

Two times in Qur’an, Allah tells us not to indulge in useless gossip, or false/evil talks. Refer to following aayaath from  Qur’an: “Successful indeed are the believers; Those who offer their Salat with all solemnity & full submissiveness; And those who turn away from Al-Laghw (dirty, false, evil, vain talk).”  Quran Surah Al-Muminun, 23:1-3

 

 “And when they hear ill speech (Al-Laghw), they withdraw from it & say: To us our deeds, and to you your deeds. Peace be to you. We seek not the ignorant.” Quran Surah Al-Qasas, 28:55

 

Do not mock others or insult others (by nicknames etc.)

This is a very common thing that keeps happening with almost all of us. Most of the gatherings propagate on this: single out an individual and make a mockery of him/her. Or we segregate into two groups and try to outdo each other by leaving no stone unturned to make the others feel low. Calling others by insulting nicknames is a common thing. However, Qur’an is strictly against such activities. Refer to following ayath from  Qur’an: “O you who believe! Let not a group scoff (mock) at another group, it may be that the latter are better than the former. Nor let (some) women scoff at other women, it may be that the latter are better than the former. Nor defame one another, nor insult one another by nicknames. How bad is it to insult one’s brother after having Faith. And whosoever does not repent, then such are indeed Zalimun (wrong-doers).” Quran Surah Al-Hujurat, 49:11

 

Private talks in gatherings

Another common ‘wrong’ committed by most of us is that when we are in a meeting, or a gathering etc., we tend to indulge in secret talks in extremely lower voices. The matter is not so simple. There is a ruling in Islam about this also. Go through the following hadith to understand it: It was narrated that Abdullah Ibn Umar (RA)said: The Messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, “If you are three, two should not converse privately to the exclusion of the third, until some other people join you, because that will make him sad.”  Book of The Greetings, Sahih Muslim, Vol. 6: Hadith No. 2184 (Book 26, 5422)
 

Now, keeping this mirror in front of us, let us see where we stand. Let everyone of us ask this question to himself/herself. [1]

 

Etiquette of talking to women

Speaking to non-mahram women may occur because of a need or it may occur needlessly. If it is done needlessly and only for fun and enjoyment, then there is no doubt that it is haraam and comes under the heading of the zina of the tongue and ears of which the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) spoke when he said: “The son of Adam’s share of zina(adultery) has been decreed for him, which he will inevitably get. The zina of the eyes is looking, the zina of the ears is listening, the zina of the tongue is speaking, the zina of the hands is touching, and the zina of the foot is walking. The heart longs and wishes, and the private part confirms that or denies it.”  Sahih al-Bukhari 6612(Vol.8:609) and Sahih Muslim, 2658 (Book 33, Hadith 6422). 

 

When there is a need to speak to a woman, the basic principle is that it is permissible, but it is essential to pay attention to the following etiquette: 

1.     The conversation should be limited to only what is necessary and has to do with the matter at hand, without talking too much or branching off into other topics. 

2.     Avoiding joking and laughing; that is not part of etiquette and dignity. 

3.     Avoiding staring and always trying hard to lower the gaze as much as possible; if there is a quick glance for the purpose of speaking, there is nothing wrong with that, in sha Allah. 

4.     Not softening the voice, by either party, or choosing soft words; rather they should speak is the same, ordinary tone of voice as they would speak to anyone else. Refer Quran Surah 33:32

5.     Avoiding the use of any words that may have some suggestive meanings, and so on. 

6.     Not going to extremes in embellishing one’s speech . Some people use their skills in communication with others by movements of the hand or face or by quoting poetry or proverbs or romantic phrases. This is a means that the Shaytaan uses to open the door to haraam attraction between the sexes. [2]

 

References

[1] http://www.quranandhadith.com/etiquettes-of-talks-and-conversation/

[2] http://islamqa.info/en/113996

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